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Hubert Humperdink
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It was all fun and games until Goodell pulled out a knife and decapitated Nantz at the end of the live shot.

I’m curious, in Hicksville, AL, would it be less of a crime if transgender people just went to the bathroom in the middle of a room, on a crowded street, etc?

Richard Deitsch’s pants made a crater in the earth when that news broke.

There’s only three iron-clad necessities for a joint bachelor/bachelorette party: hard liquor, hard anal and spirited Yahtzee.

Let’s not forget his massive ego, or his apparent inability to compromise. “Sports Guy” is an extremely talented, funny writer. “Sports Guy, Inc.” is a whiny crybaby.

Yeah. It’s called August.

Who gives a shit, who gives a fuck. They’ll find another guy. The conveyor belt continues.

I’m guessing that’s what he wants. He’ll sue, win about $150M, and run another video game company into the ground. He’s that other kind of high-finance Rain Man.

Will the dogs stay on our side? Or, in the ultimate act of betrayal, turn on us in our moment of need? Et tu, Fido?

ESPN: Bukkake to the Stars

They should complete a blockbuster to reacquire their old-school unis

You haven’t lived. Try accidentally driving into the Pentagon (not literally, mind you). Fun times.

Did Drake have to partake in a Slumpbuster or two to end a losing streak just like Dad?

The only other player who brought kids around the clubhouse anywhere near as much was Mel Hall, but at least he had an excuse.

Please, the 76ers are beneath you. A Foodspin on creating the perfect Chicken Philly, however, is worthy of both your time and that reputed ISIS stronghold.

Soft-serve, OK. Dippin’ Dots? Invitation to be tased ...

The cop shoulda turned her head into a canoe. Just jog on the sidewalk, sugar britches ...

Then Hardy pulled out his barbed-wire baseball bat named Lucille, and announced to Schefter that it was now “pee-pee pants time.”

Does Side Chick No. 1 get promoted to Main Chick? Does Nick need the remaining moments of the year to advertise for and procure a new Side Chick No. 67?

Neither did your mother, evidently. That is, until I put in in her ass. That’s why your dad’s an alcoholic.