That's Memphis Bleek's job.

2Pac lives!

He's gonna be screwed if Suge Knight can make it to Western Union before it closes.

Bad Boy, 9-5 plus four pennies

I definitely expected those links in the third paragraph to take me to The Onion.

Homer's stolen Oscar was originally Haing S. Ngor's, but Dr. Ngor was murdered a few weeks after the episode aired and the joke got a lot darker than they'd intended.

Hahahaha

Oh, okay. I forgot all about that dude. I thought he was Kyle Mooney until they were both onscreen at the same time.

Who was playing the non-Brooks Whelan waiter in "two broken arms"? Did they dig up another new guy? He had lines in the DARE sketch too.

There's a lot of hip-hop album cover recreation going on this week: http://youtu.be/UOSmfX_GSa4

Lucky Strike cigarettes give you ooooooooooo!

Her?

I'm gonna say Peter, Michael, and Samir from Office Space. Nerds, beer, and hip-hop in a shitty apartment is a good time.

Bender was the first character that came to mind, but I spent a minute trying to decide whether drinking with him would be worth the risk.

I watch that one every year after the World Series ends.

Aww, dammit. This article made me want to check to see if that film was on there.

Nope. It's only paternity test results. She sort of moderates the shouting between camps, sets up the "Mr. SoAndSo, you are…" cliffhanger before the final commercial break and then, depending on the outcome, either implores the parents to put their drama aside or delivers some slut-shamey wisdom about learning to…

Nothing. Her only job is to yell "I've heard enough! Let's get to the results" at the 27 minute mark. I enjoy trashy court shows, but Paternity Court makes a mockery of the trashy court show genre precisely for that reason.

I loved this band. I'll never forget what he did for me during the 20th century, but I'm actively trying to forget just about everything from the 21st.

Fleecing old fans is easier than gathering new ones.