No, you stop.

Honestly, if you (1) went to Syracuse, (2) played lacrosse, (3) looked like a douchy frat asshole, and (4) were named "Hayes McGinley," how could you not totally expect to get the Jesus Fucking Christ beat out of you at least once in your life by a guy named Big Jim Whitcomb.

"I used to watch Scrubs after school every day."

"You know, just once in this lifetime, I would like my favorite team to acquire a legendary skill position player who does NOT turn out to be a complete fucking shithead."

After fumbling and stating he weighed 530 pounds, LenDale White was arrested for DUI and false identification.

But is she single?

Confusing list. I expected him to use bullets.

24? Surely you must feel a little shame.

SHIT. I'm absolutely terrified I will be 70 and making $14 an hour. Please tell me it's not so....

I really think the story would have been better if it had ended, rather than started with, "I am 70 years old."

I hope so too, he sounds like a snappy and with-it dude. Old people who have to work because they don't have retirement of some kind bum me the hell out.

I just hope that he only has a job at 70 years old because he doesn't want to be sitting around the house all day.

I don't know, it had just the right touch of "get off my lawn" to it. I say legit. Judges?

The email of the week sounds like it was written by Brian Williams.

If you're running the spread offense, I can't imagine anything more spread out that placing your players all over the country on different teams.

Decker, Harvin and now Marshall. The Jets haven't had that many mouths to feed since Antonio Cromartie was on the team.

(Most of the) QBs Andre Johnson had during his career:
David Carr
Tony Banks
Dave Ragone
Matt Schaub
Sage Rosenfels
TJ Yates
Case Keenum
Ryan Fitzpatrick
Tom Savage

That is a fucking travesty. Andre Johnson put all-time great numbers with those guys throwing him the ball. We all saw what Larry Fitzgerald did with a couple years…

Coincidentally, "You lovly coaches are most likely mad about that," is how Jay Cutler starts off his letters to the Bears organization every offseason when they consider ditching him.

There is NEVER a bad time for this gif.