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drunkincompetentcaterpillar
drunkincompetentcaterpillar
A while ago when my sister was 4 or 5, she decided she wanted to give everyone Christmas presents. When present opening time came, I unwrapped mine and saw a clay bird that I think my other sister had made. It turns out that the littlest sister had just gone around the house and found things she thought might be nice…
What even is an orange peeler?
Worst: My parents have been divorced since before I was born, but randomly in my childhood my dad would want visitation (he lived, at times, between 1-8 hours away). One year the day after Christmas he brought me with him and his wife and my half-siblings to his sister's house. Everyone was given incredibly…
I just looked up Rigaud Candles...
HOLY SHIT BUCKETS BATMAN!!! Your SIL sounds like an overprivileged snot! $80.00 for a goddamn candle and she ROLLS HER EYES?! Lordy be what would it be like to turn ones nose up at a candle that costs 80 bucks.
Okay. Two stories.
Worst Christmas gift ever? A 2 week fever and cookies made with rancid butter.
The first Christmas my husband and I were truly serious about one another, his grandmother came to the family Christmas party. I was warned that she was notorious for re-gifting things that other people had given her because Jesus told her to give everything away. Surprisingly, she does not have dementia... Anyway, I…
The Best Gift I Ever Got:
I had a cloth doll I slept with in my bed ever since I was born, called "Blue Baby." Over the years, the thing was starting to be full of holes. My dad gradual patched them up as they appeared, but by this point she was practically covered in one giant patch.
Okay, I'll contribute even though I was a not technically the gift-getter. *Caution, this is not a hilarious story, it is a mortifying story.
Saltwater aquarium full of fussy tropical fish when I was eleven, completely unasked for from my rich aunt. I spent the next ten years perpetually cleaning their air filters, rinsing their poop out of the coral, testing the pH and temperature of the water, and replanting their damn seaweed. Yes, they were gorgeous and…
Wow, that is seriously awful.
So for most of my childhood my mother was just insanely busy with work 100% of the time, especially around Christmas, so she would usually give me cash and commission me around December to buy her Christmas presents for her and wrap them, just to take some of the stress off for the holidays. This way the only presents…
Christmas day was always a really fraught time for me growing up, because it always meant a trip to Grandma's house, complete with explicit display of gender-based favoritism. My paternal grandmother was a bitter, difficult woman, to say the least. She had zero respect for my mom and was constantly undermining and…
The worst holiday gift I ever got was a Christmas gift from my in laws. It was some book about messianic Jews.
My best Christmas gift, was when a guy I knew, who had no close family of his own, had me stay with him. I stayed in his house until after New Years. I got to see snow, and build a snowman for the first time. He took me ice skating for the first time. He then gave me something off my bucket list, a kiss in the snow.
Ohh, yah, my grandma went through a phase of painting confusing things on other confusing things. She painted us sweatshirts and calendars and the like with an image that I think was supposed to be a couple of little Native American girls, but they were all wonky and looked more like ghosts from Korean horror movies.…
My boyfriend gave me ankle weights for my 23rd birthday. I left them on the dining room table when I moved out a month later.