But if everyone is walking around you for 20 years telling you what a great guy you are and how great a job you are doing, you will never see your mistakes.

I didn’t see Compassionate Conservative on there

Me: violate me with that scorpion tail, daddy

Ligers are real now. They had one at an animal sanctuary I visited down in Palm Springs, the thing was fucking massive. It may not have magical powers, but it absolutely blasted piss through the fence at a group of girls.

[writes “37. Lennay Kekua”]

How in the hell did someone beat me to this? I thought, “ooh I bet this will get five favorites. Maybe I’ll jump out of the greys for a day. But nooooo.”

scans for *female orgasm*

(Anybody who replies to this with that Ron Burgundy “that escalated quickly” meme will be shot through my bathroom door.)

Yeah but did you see how fucking high he jumped?!?

Suicide. Is there a shortcut this guy won’t take?

Ah yes, the country that declares the Men’s World Cup trophy (created by a Frenchman and awarded by an organization based in Switzerland) is “coming home” anytime they string a couple of victories together is schooling us on arrogance. Got it.

“Nation that hasn’t won jack since 1966 wonders what it’s like”

“Sir, we’re losing altitude!” “Engage bottom rotor!”

Finally, a video that belongs on Deadspin.

No no no, this things needs Telstar Logistics stickers ASAP

I know some women who could use some tips from her.

Only an old billionaire goes to a rub and tug to get doubled up on by two women over the age of 45.

January 20, 2019 was the same day that the Patriots beat the Chiefs to win the AFC Championship. So Robert Kraft went to a seedy massage parlor in a Florida strip mall at 11:00 a.m. that Sunday

To be fair, Abortion and Masturbation are words that pretty frequently come to mind when discussing the Pirates.