I don't care what the A.V. Club says—Shyamalan has never even been that great or interesting of a filmmaker, and all of the garbage he's done in the last 15 years would have ended the careers of most other directors. When I saw the trailer for this movie in the theater last month, people started laughing out loud. …

The correct answer is Vienna Beef. And anyone who puts ketchup on a hot dog is a sociopath.

Um, thanks? And I don't think there was anything even remotely unreasonable in my comment, but if saying so makes you feel better, then great.

You might want to freshen up on the difference between what "literal" and "figurative" mean. It will open up a whole new side to the English language for you, and make you seem less caustic on comment boards.

No, that never actually happens. JMP only seems to be able to argue points by citing absurd extremes.

Yes, you wisely saw through my comment to know that what I secretly meant was that no one can ever be offended by anything. Because there is no logical middle ground between nothing and everything, nor is there ever an application of common sense to the things we choose to get upset about. Bravo.

Ah, the brow beating of Apology Terrorism™ that has become this generation's battle cry for social justice. I hope this second apology is enough to assuage the throngs of people who were wronged by a mistaken flub. I'm thinking that maybe one more apology on "Ellen" will finally bridge the hurt that was caused when…

I'm quite positive that this was going to be terrible, but I really bristle at the idea of anyone being upset about this because a white actor was going to portray Michael Jackson. I hate the idea of assigning cultural rules to how art can be made—even if it has the potential to offend. As consumers of art, we all…

C'mon guys, get your copy editing chops together. This band is called The Slants. There was a great band in the 70s and 80s called The Slits. I suppose both names are similar, but that's not an excuse for making that mistake twice in this article.

Even free seems like far too much to pay to see this steaming pile of crap.

I have been to two separate films lately where the trailer for Split has played. Both times the audience broke out in laughter. Putting an M. Night Shyamalan film on any list of highly anticipated films is really stretching it.

Replace The Joshua Tree with Achtung Baby and you're closer to being right.

"You hear that? He says the Sheriff is near!"

There is nothing inherently wrong with clowns . . .

Come on, 2016, surely there are other figures from my childhood whose lives you can snub in the next four days. Fuck. It's to the point where I'm getting gun shy clicking on the A.V. Club website for fear of which obit I'll see next.

Nothing informed my childhood more than the original Star Wars films. It was my first obsession and led me into the world of loving pop culture. This hurts. A lot. Fuck every single thing about 2016.

You just knew 2016 wasn't finished with its death march yet. Fuck. I spent a lot of time listening to "Faith" in high school. So sad. R.I.P.

High Pitch Erik must be inconsolable. Fuck this year.

So many adults laughing at things that look like penises.

Sorry 2016, but you can't have this one. Fuck off.