So many smash mouth jokes but nobody connected the dots to the fact that he is (presumably) at an event tied to an all star game. SMH, people.

We see a lot. Weve also seen a lot. Remember when Cheney and W were going to go down for war crimes? Remember when Patreus was buying a one way ticket to somewhere other than probation? Remember way back in the day, when John McCain and his seedy ties were going to kill his career?

I’m right there with you. I lasted 17 days.

Carlson makes an appearance in The Daily Show: An Oral History (which is excellent if you’re a fan of the show). It will not shock you that he thought that Stewart was wrong and that he was right and that the whole thing was “overplayed”

One, though this only began a few years ago. If it’s a narly shit then 2 for the first wipe. Fold square over square, don’t just wad like a neanderthal. Buy good TP and don’t try and stick your finger 3 inches inside your asshole and you’ll be fine.

Tiffany Pollard on Celebrity Big Brother (UK) is must watch epic television! Reality TV genius.

The older dolls had a heavy string threaded through their neck hole, so it was possible to take off the head (to wash/set the hair, to replace a damaged head, or switch out the eyes) and easily knot it back down. The doll’s clothes hid the rather bulky but super functional string.

that thigh gap thou

Jizz is the LEAST offensive bodily fluid. Tastes okay and won’t make you sick . Why is it always such a chore to get people to admit that jizz isn’t awful? Are you a man? Have you NOT tasted your own semen? What is so bad about it?

please let it be Lance please let it be Lance please let it be Lance please let it be Lance please let it be Lance please let it be Lance please let it be Lance please let it be Lance please let it be Lance

I think all the people saying some variation on “she’s a monster how dare he try to redeem her” are missing the point. Tyson is trying to show you that’s she’s not some extraordinarily evil cartoonish monster; she’s a regular person who turned out to be capable of doing something horrible. The point is the banality of…

Pictured: Gar Foreman.

Well look at the man with the golden fuckin’ sphincter over here guys.

This is the first article I’ve ever read in Deadspin that is completely incomprehensible. Not the author’s work mind you, but the subject. How can ANYONE who is not a diehard, knowledgeable expert understand this in the slightest?

He’s no George Washington. I heard that motherfucker had, like, thirty goddamn heads.

Yup. My southern mom called her parents Mother and Daddy, too. That said, I grew up in a large southern city and use mom and dad, so maybe it’s an old-fashioned tradition going out of style.

This helps explain why people call him a real motherfucker.

Asking as an American: I know you guys spell a lot of words like favor and center wrong, but lose? That is a new one for me.