I wholeheartedly recommend they stick with Nick Foles-InALosingEffort, who's done nothing but put up numbers since college. Well, that and lose.

Bobby Bottleservice would make for a better coach than whoever the Eagles get. (Although he was better in just audio form on Comedy Bang Bang.)

Small, no. Hick, not really. You want real hicks, head to the northwest corner or east of the river.

I just assume that this is why "make a bowl out of it" projects are disqualified from hacker challenges... because there are no greater engineers in history than potheads.

Not quite turned down, but I didn't follow up on an offer once I realized it was such a bad deal. They offered me the same barely-sustainable wage I'm already making, only I'd be taking the train instead of driving (so the cost of commuting would be a wash). Oh, and they wouldn't pay me until the end of a one-month…

Precisely. I'd expect this kind of backwards thinking out of the Naugatuck Valley towns (about as close as you'll get to Connectitucky without traveling to the far east hinterlands) but Southington's got some distance from that region.

Southington? If they're "outside" of Newtown, then Putnam County is juuuuust outside of Manhattan. (This probably doesn't make sense to people outside of the area, so we'll just say that to Connecticut residents, 30 miles is, like, for-fucking-ever away. We're the land of steady habits, inferiority complexes and an…

S'okay, ESPN could've just brought in guest team-effort analyst Rasheed Wallace for that.

I have a whole ton of them (mostly from Simple Desktops, Artcore or Inkdryer, but there's a bunch from other sites such as 4chan) in a 20-minute rotation at home, while I'm using this for my work desktop.

He allegedly (although this was part of a list of urban legends, some of which were refuted by Raven during a shoot interview) got his job by whipping out his dick and laying it on Patterson's desk. (Then again, this is the same list that says Bill DeMott broke Matthew Lesko's jaw in a fight over wearing question…

Nah, Red Sox fan. Considering the highlight of this past season was the Yankees' performance in the playoffs, I'll take anything that involves Boston finishing higher than New York.

Seeing as a big part of my job is not making typos... no, I don't. ;)

He also reputedly got a job with WWE through horse meat, if you're the type to believe rumors on the Internets.

Toronto should feel better if the Blue Jays finish higher in the AL East than a ficus in MLB's offices. (Baltimore, of course, will return to their rightful place behind said plant.)

Eh, I was always partial to Brave New World over 1984. Keeping people fat, oversexed and complacent sounded more interesting than whipping them into fearful obedience.

To be fair, liberals can also spell "amendment."

NOBODY lives within an hour of Microcenter. Even the people next door to a Microcenter have to spend an hour and a half just to get there.

As much as I read them, it has to be said: rapgenius.com is white devil sophistry.

I sincerely hope that when you say "a moment like this," you mean a moment when the NRA leadership's adamant opposition to any regulations has flexed a micrometer. I forget exactly who said they will introduce a gun control bill (probably Dianne Feinstein), but she said she'd been working on it for over a year, but…

Politics (although conventional wisdom might not be entirely accurate) says otherwise. The fear-mongerers are telling gun owners of all stripes that the President was coming for all their guns, which they already own legally. Anything that's going to make it through the meat grinder of Congress won't be THAT strong.