People who survived tend to have survived.

This is the most compelling argument for why parents shouldn’t buy the most amount of safety features they can that are currently available.

This. Nothing pisses me off more than someone who does something for a fucking living getting told how to do their job by some jackass, like if you know so much, get up here and put the rock in your truck yourself asshole.

That probably wouldn’t get the rock out of the bed but it might solve some other problems.

For all the bullshit spewing from their mouths, that was an absolutely artful boulder drop onto a tiny target. Kudos to the bobcat operator.

Ah, the Cosby Defense (TM).

Wasnt everybody doing that in 2002? I mean with 9/11 and everything....?

Congrats. Do you want a prize?

Easily one of the saddest parts of that Chris Farley documentary was hearing about just how bummed guys like Chris Rock and Bob Odenkirk were that Farley agreed to do that Chippendale’s sketch.

It’s a normal relationship, find a new slant.

if you tell your wife confidential information about a health screen for a pro basketball player and she anonymously posts it on twitter, you get fired.

My best friend and I dressed up as Burt and Ernie for halloween about 8 years ago. Went out and got pretty hammered at the bars, and then I see down the street, Cookie Monster, just standing there. Well I thought it was a good idea to jump on his back, we both fell to the ground, and that’s when I feel a shot to the…

Yea, depends how much he lost. My right arm ends just below the elbow, so I designed this

Weird... when I read this, I thought for sure it said:

Very Fortunate Mike Budenholzer Gets to Coach LAURELs.

Clearly this guy just wished he was a little bit taller, wished he was a baller, wished he had a girl who looked good, so he would call her.

I believe they’re called “pedophiles”.

You went to K State. A lot more than 5 minutes has been stolen from you.

Doesn’t look like anything to me.

“we’ve got the most talented engineers in the world working on the race cars”

I bet he was sssstealing sssignsss.