It's all about the handcuffs huh?

Moniz came to the dealership with his standard set of gator trappin’ tools—poll, rope, electrical tape, the usual stuff—to close the gator’s mouth shut.

Well duh......NASA

You mean the movies aren’t real??? Well, shit.... Sorry Rock, no more sequels!

Don't need to the San Andreas fault will do the job

....and drove off,without being on a flatbed trailer.

I digress. She already had brain damaged if she thought snapping and driving was a good idea.

$82 per nautical mile traveled? Knot gonna risk it with the psycho captains.

That's one way to put a stop to loud, obnoxious, crappy music.

It's not a Pomerainian. It's actually a Longhaired Mastiff. He's just that big your perception gets skewed.

I love you. Her. Waffles. I love everything. Syrup for two please!

God, did she realize what was happening when she got in Ted Bundy’s van?

The hats aren't the only things that aren't straight in this photo. And I am not talking about the track either.

Waiting for “UPDATE: Hooicorn drifts through turn 1 eliminating douchie sideways and SnapBack hats from the competition.”

I can’t bring myself to watch the video because of the crash. It does no one any good to click a link and watch a tragedy unfold.

Asked to recite the alphabet from C to W: “C. D. E. F. G. H. I. [sigh] [infinite pause]”

I cook the eggs, but I prefer to wash off any shit on the shell before ever having to handle them.

The block of “caramel” that came with this was amazing... I remember Caramel, Nacho Cheese, I think Sour Cream and Onion.... there was one more...

Don’t think your domestic trade in will pay for her upgraded imported headlights.

When the fan hits the shit....