If I’m the keeper, I’m giving 110 percent to stop that goal. Nothing easy kid, you either get some lift on that ball or it’s getting stopped by my foot and punted. This is MY net!

Whoever would’ve thought that the guy who was kicked off his college team for stealing a laptop and then tried to throw it out of his window when the cops tracked it back to his dorm would’ve turned out to be a dipshit?

Bro I have like 8 shirseys, I’m too deep in the game to call it quits.

The Marlins were arguably a feel good story as of a year ago. Leave it to Jeets to turn this team into a unsuccessful, boring villain of a team in no time flat.

MY ANACONDA DON’T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT LUNGS, HUN

My work bathroom only has one normal stall and one handicapped stall, so they have absolved me of any guilt in the event this scenario happens. Unless they thought 50% of my floor was handicapped, I’m pretty sure they intended us to use the damn stall.

I am a world-renowned knower of things. He needs one.

Fuck this show, Team LC forever losers!!

To be fair, you might have missed because you just ruptured a ligament.

Them ears though....

BREAKING: Jayson Werth has hit peak grump.

As long as you don’t live within sight of him, an EMP should do nicely.

It’s gonna be hard to pick that shudder out from the constant shivering though.

Sorry, but Jason David Frank gets first dibs to play Tommy. Age differences and weirdness be damned, that is his role!

I appreciate the shit out of this post.

He actually has a very interesting voice and when he first got famous he did very well on hooks and bubbly songs, I really thought he had the potential to have a decent music career. But he has absolutely ruined his career by collaborating with the Migos so much, he’s trying to do trap rap now and he just does not…

Because when it gets to be 80 years old it’ll be worth a ton, duh.

My god, I am sympathizing with a Patriot right now. The power of doggos truly trumps all other evils.

Or the fact that Ohio State got a bowl ban for this exact thing in 2011 and UNC gets to skate out of a scandal unscathed. AGAIN.