John Force is probably talking when he’s unconscious too. He’s a god damn national treasure. 

“I live my life 25/132nds of a mile at a time” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

I never knew this. It’s been many years since I woke up on saturdays and watched these races. Nice to know

correction: a crew of fifteen dinosaurs being chased by someone dressed as an asteroid would be impressive

No. Why would you ever want a hint? It’s a game that you either win or lose and you’re the only one who knows. What narcissist would ever cheat at a game like this? Is there pride in a streak that only you can see if you know you’ve cheated? How sad.

If the service providers can label a call “Illegal Scam” - explain to me why they can’t block them?

You must be new here. Welcome to Humanity.

So, being respectful, considerate, and clean is considered a lifehack now?

My favorite heat exchanger is my wife, who can somehow pile on three blankets and still absorb all my body heat by touching my leg with a single icy foot.

so, it’s bad form to let a person who’s being shit on know they are being shit on, but it’s ok to shit on someone while not having the nerve to let them know to their face? hmm, ok.

Typically, certification is a mundane election formality

The trick with cauliflower rice is drying it out. I never bother making my own (pain in the ass and heads of cauliflower are somehow more expensive than the frozen steamer bags), but after I nuke it I spread it out on a sheet pan and sock it in a low oven until the edges just start to brown. If I don’t need it…

I have learned to take advantage of these deals because Krispy Kreme doughnuts of all donuts freeze the best.

Oh, callaloo is divine! It’s doesn’t take nearly as long as ‘greens’ to cook. We consider it more wild spinach, but man, isn’t it delicious? Try turnip greens or regular spinach, not baby spinach. Saute diced onions and tomatoes, chopped garlic, a sprig of thyme, some pimento berries (or a few shakes of allspice…

I kind of like the solstice because even though the worst of winter is still yet to come, there’s something nice about knowing you’ve reached the bottom in terms of daylight. Like yes it takes a while for it to make a difference, but knowing that from here on out every day will be just a little bit longer than the…

If my Facebook feed is any indication, it seems to be celebrated mostly by athiest liberal white guys who feel the need to remind everyone that “wELL aKcHUaLLy JeSuS wAsn’T bOrN at ChRisTmaS iT’s reAllY a PagAn hoLiday”

Good thing that he specified that it was illegal to modify your odometer if you’re trying to sell your car 8 seconds before the video ended.

Maybe not give anyone access to your accounts? Just because you’re married or dating does not mean that you/they need open access to every account. >_<

The way I see index funds is, “can I make investment decisions more consistently than a computer who has real-time data on everything?”

Alas, I am a glaring exception. If I buy a bunch of stock, it is doomed to halve its price and stay there. Perhaps they’re all monitoring my life signs, and will rally once I’m dead?