I feel like soon I’ll start seeing ads where “for a dollar a day, you can keep Bills fans safe and off the streets. Give them a home, a community where they can be themselves.” And it would footage of lawless wasteland. Lord Humongous could easily be a Bills fan.

This wasn’t even the most political moment of the night. Pagano had his entire punting unit act out the chaos of the Speakership race.

I shop at Target frequently.

“Customers were evacuated from the San Luis Obispo store”

This happened at work once. I worked with a very Mormon attorney who had a habit of watching porn with his door open and headphones on. One day he must have accidentally unplugged them because it was a dead quiet afternoon and we suddenly heard unmistakeable moaning sounds. My coworker started coughing to muffle it…

So it is looking more and more that the daily fantasy is that this is not gambling.

Know what would make ESPN Classic watchable? Alternate endings. Tune in and you might see Kirk Gibson strike out swinging in the 1988 World Series, Michael Jordan clank his last shot in the Finals against Utah, or the refs rule that Tom Brady fumbled the ball in the playoff game against Oakland. Or Steve Bartman…

I do this assuming that the smell will be blamed on almost anyone else nearby because I don’t “look like” someone who would rip ass like that.

I would take the website/memorial wall. For all the “you fapped to me/my wife/my sister” awkwardness, I would say “just read the rest of the list,” and they would realize that I’ve fapped to pretty much everyone. At some point, it would be an insult to not be included.

Some say it’s killing him inside but Ja Rule thinks it’s murrduuhhh

Now wait just a damn minute.... Shouldn’t there have been like, three commercial breaks during that segment?

I can respect a regular takeout slide. Utley was even with the base before he even hit the deck and on top of that, he never touched the bag. This is some BULLSHIT.

In response, Rex Ryan released his own pornographic video.

Meh, still more offended by Peyton trying to sell me warm cardboard with melted cheese and lunchables meat on it.

With that accuracy rate, we know it’s not Jay Cutler throwing to that bear.

Following the long tradition of George W. Bush and then Rick Perry, Jerry’s just announced a run for President.

It looks like Jerry Jones was right. Hardy really did add an extra dementia to this team.

Public defenders usually have 90-120 clients at any given time. They give a shit, or they wouldn’t be working there. But it’s literally impossible for them to devote this kind of attention to each client. If that pisses you off, you should contact your representatives to allocate more funds and hire more public…

I think it turned out better than it could have. Historically, when Blackhawks took too long to do something, Rangers would just shoot them and steal their land.

You know, maybe it is just the audio aspect of it. I kind of agree. But I prefer a male voice, with more bass, with xenophobic opinions, who occasionally costs taxpayers millions of dollars in public funding for a failed video game, and doesn’t totally believe in evolution.