I deliberately forget Geoducks, and will continue to do so as long as I live.

I've been asked that too many times to count. The other chestnut: "what's the size difference between a 6 and a 9 oz filet." People didn't want me to just say "3 oz," these fucknuts actually wanted me to show with my hands what the size difference would be, ignoring the fact that the surface area wasn't the…

Ugh runny whites should not even be considered an OPTION when discussing over-whatever! A set white should be considered the bare minimum cook temp for eggs.

Pictured - cow from which 23 oz filet might be taken:

I worked at a chain steakhouse in college and the soup of the day on one particular day was Spicy Pueblo. One sweet little hostess went around seating tables and letting them know that the soup today was Spicy Pablo until she heard us all laughing hysterically.

Oh, honey, oh, no...that's so sad and cute. I can just picture you in your jaunty little skipper's hat, captain of the SS Shrimptacular.

Once, in a rather noisy restaurant, a waiter's recital of the evening's specials included "stuffed grapes." After conferring with my dining companion (who was also curious as to how this was done, and with what), I ordered them.

We have a lady who always asks for us to leave the chick peas off of her salad to which we reply we do not not have we ever put chick peas on our salads. Once you bring the salad out she will huff and puff and hold up the peppercini and exclaim she didn't want any chick peas. She's been told many times that it is not…

There used to be a Chinese restaurant nearby in Northern Virginia where we would order whole fish, Szechuan style. We went one night with friends and asked them to bring the largest fish they had. When they brought it out, it was arranged on the plate as if it was swimming towards us, and it was GINORMOUS. The husband…

If everyone should be accountable for their own position in life, why don't you pay your way through college, Steven? No help from Mom and Dad, no grants or scholarships, just you, whatever crappy part-time job you can get, and a massive amount of student loan debt that's listed solely in your name.

I was going to be polite about it, but let's just be honest. The American right wing knows shit all about economics, which is really just a symptom of their disconnect from reality. Also I don't remember if I dropped this rant here before, but it bears repeating.

I think it's time we get rid of the myth that minimum wage jobs all require minimal skill. Every fast food drive thru worker in my city is bilingual. Are YOU bilingual, author of this Op Ed? Also, I would l-o-v-e to see some white collar exec work the a slammed Friday night at any Denny's, where my best friend…

"Misogyny isn't a problem, and you all have lady parts for thinking so!"

Hang on. Domestic violence in this country is chronically underreported. So just comparing arrest stats between the US and the NFL isn't necessarily instructive. I'd argue that domestic violence could be more underreported in the NFL than in society as a whole, due to the financial incentives for not making waves —…

*turns on a gaslight*

Fuck that. You're right that society has a domestic violence problem. But the NFL also uniquely has a domestic violence problem because of the highly public implicit claims it makes about how much domestic violence matters. This has been brought up ad nauseum, but when Josh Gordon gets 16 games for smoking weed while…

This was hard to read through my tears. I said it once, and I'll say it again, as a West Coaster who visited New York for the first time after 9/11, I was amazed at the strength and resilience of the people of that beautiful city. Bless the family of Avonte Oquendo for proving me right.

I'm a stay at home dad. The mother of my child makes way more than me (I make nothing). I don't care about cars or guns or the UFC. I find dick showing masculinity to be beneath our entire species. I sometimes shave off all my body hair. I enjoy all genres of music, including music by female pop artists. I even eat…

Yessssss.