Funny story, there was this one time when I drove up someone’s brand new rolls Royce wraith. I told the owner that I was a little nervous to drive it. He seemed confused, and asked why I was nervous. I told him it was such a nice car I was being extra careful. His response changed my outlook on how we should all look…

I was a valet once upon a time at a hotel while I was in college. One of my duties was also shuttle driver. This wouldn’t be so bad except the shuttle was a 15 y.o. full size ford van with seating for ~11 that hadn’t been maintained. Oh, it was a 2wd in a ski resort town where the average snow fall on the mountain was…

When I was 25 I once rolled up to a fancy restaurant in my 1997 aubergine-colored Dodge Stratus, and I left the keys with the valet. After a very nice meal at the restaurant, we headed outside and waited for the valet to return with my car. After about 5 minutes, imagine my horror when the valet returned with a 1997…

That’s really embarrassing....They all should be ashamed of themselves.

Not quite a Valet story but I had to pull my car into a Tire Store bay once because no one there could drive stick shift.

Okay so this one time, I convinced my friend to let us take his dads 250 California out for the day in Chicago and...well...lets just say it was one interesting day off.

Sorry sir, we can’t park your car...

It’s a sad state of affairs when liberals look back to Richard Nixon and think “I wish our candidates were as liberal as that guy!”

We’re coming home along the Thruway and decide to stop at McD’s. There’s a woman and smallish kid in front of us getting huffy and I can tell this won’t end well. And in due time she starts yelling at the cashier, “Why is everything more expensive here? This is ridiculous! You’re ripping people off!” and so on, as the…

I always confuse her for Oscar Wilde.

He was waiting for the butt meat the most tender of all meats.

NO NO NO NO NO.