Jared Kushner seems like he’s the equivalent of a sentient bag of marshmallows wearing cotton Dockers

They say you shouldn’t say nothing about the dead but good. He’s dead. Good.

Skiing is OK. The president of the International Ski Federation sounds like a giant Douche Canoe.

I believe in bears. Bear miracles. Miracle bears.

Clearly, cats are inferior.

Sailboat (small one) owner here. I describe sailing to my friends as “standing in a shower, wearing a nice white shirt, and tearing up dollar bills.”

Bowling Green Massacre survivor here. Take your Alternative Facts Kellyanne and go smock them in your pipe.

Well he is God’s collaborator...

“Okay, you elves sit back, hold the workshop, keep the eggnog warm. And if we’re not back at dawn...call Jesus.”

Clearly guns don’t shoot people, dogs shoot people

WHERE ARE THE CUPHOLDERS

Fixed that for you.

It’s wrong to hit people but I wouldn’t be upset if his face fell into her fist.

What we need is someone who can go into a debate and (when it comes to political talk) run circles around Trump but then do a completely 180 and rip him to shreds.

No more of this “when they go low...” shit. Fuck that, someone needs to have the guts to point out what a lecherous old con this man is in the most blatant…

Skip Dinosaur (over-hyped... DON’T SHOOT THE MESSENGER!) and Sticky Lips (Great amount of sauces, but mediocre otherwise); track down Good Smoke BBQ instead.

This one seems especially timely:

If your argument is so desperate and threadbare, that you need to go so far as to use an actual Nazi as a point of reference in order to justify your actions, then your argument is complete bullshit and your actions are fucking atrocious

“...Don’t feel sorry for me. Don’t feel sorry for me.”

Meet Cannoli

There’s only one acceptable replacement for Sanders: The statue of Buddy Jesus.