Thank you for this. I can’t even decide which is my favorite part.

Maybe I’m a terrible person, but my feelings would be these: “I hope she gets an early release from prison so I can stalk her, kidnap her and tie her up in my basement where I will torture her and ultimately kill her, very, very slowly. Sorry, not sorry.”

“It’s okay, I guess. How much longer ‘til we get to Flavortown?”

Working in government (i.e. being a politician in the literal sense) is fine. And you’re obviously right; Sanders is a politician because, as you said, he’s been in congress for 30 years.

I was agreeing with you that Clinton doesn’t deserve praise for her speech.

Good to know.

I’m sure it’ll be worth a chuckle. On the other hand, the mess he’s going make will fuck liberals and conservatives alike, so careful what you wish for.

Say what? Jezebel is as pro-Clinton as Gawker is pro-Sanders.

On the day after video of Bernie Sanders being arrested for his participation in a civil rights protest surfaced, Hillary comes out with a soundbite that’s so crafted and tailored it could be a Jezebel Think Piece.

I remember how excited I was the summer I got my merit badges for Scoring Bags, Tying Off and Cooking.

Hillary will make a good president, but her fashion sense reminds me of Kim Jong Un on acid.

In what world does Ben Carson have average charisma?

Frank Stallone?

In the WC, aren’t we always in the Group of Death, and isn’t it considered the Group of Death, partially because we’re in it?

Sure you do, trailer trash.

Yeah, I was expecting some next-level Sconny shit, but could barely hear anything.

That was one of the most amazing dunks I’ve ever seen, at any level of the sport. No need to hype it up with that headline.

Bunch of guys working together to achieve a common goal? Yep, it’s a team sport.