Two words we should never forget: Brand deposit.

No, those are in the gift bags for the Golden Raspberry Awards, sorry.

“Hello, is this the Secretary of the Treasury? I would like a couple million dollars of your cash to give to celebrities please.”

Except he’d have to try to mug Michelle Yeoh, not Lauren Bacall.

Dibs on the $12,000 arm liposuction procedure!!

That’s what the nominees gave the Academy voters. It’s tacky to gift the same thing back!

Why not just 2 suitcases stuffed with $126,000 in cash?

ALL of this. I cannot stand the Razzies. It’s a bunch of angry neckbeards living in Mom’s basement who want to stick it to the rich, beautiful people they’ll never meet. And this is far from the first time they’ve done this--even before Jake Lloyd and Macaulay Culkin, they nominated Aileen Quinn fro the Annie movie,…

When a child actor is bad in a movie they’re the least culpable person involved responsible for it, IMHO. Before them comes everybody who gave the go ahead for casting that child and especially the director for not being able to, well, direct a better performance out of them.

I mean, it’s well enough to say that the acting in the early Harry Potter movies is not good. But there’s not a lot of reason to critique an 11-year-old because they don’t have much experience or range, especially when you can never tell if a child actor is eventually going to grow up and give one of the best farting…

Your previous comment wasn’t about what you would buy, was it, dummy. You asked a question and I answered it, clearly a mistake taking you out of the grays. Your comment about what you would buy did not ask a question. It made a statement about which I did not care. I told you I did not care. I expected that to be the…

Bold of you to assume that I care at all what you will buy.

Why would I have heard about it? Do you think I spend a lot of time talking to celebrities at all, let alone about their feelings? I’m not a Hollywood shrink.

Weird that you consider it brave to say...don’t be mean?

Also, Jake Lloyd did a lot more than “quit acting” after the Episode I backlash. Multiple arrests, a schizophrenia diagnosis & stints in a psychiatric hospital.

Ah, yes, Ian and Janet Razzie.

Your parents run the Razzies?

Oh this is a nice thing to wake up to. I actually complained about this to my parents yesterday. Nice.

Ideal way for it to end is them to nominate themselves. They win the final razzies and exit in a blast of self-consuming loathing. 

Great first step. Now just cancel the Razzies.