I need Liza Weil to put in as much time on HTGAWM as possible so she can confirm my headcanon that Paris changed her name after committing some unspeakable crime and Annalise gave her a break.

I was one of the first girls to get breasts in school, so basically I was miserable for an 8 month period. SO MUCH BULLSHIT from guys that were like, 12 and trying to tell people that I’d had sex with them.

Why do I live in a world where ice cream can kill you?

I’d rather shit uncontrollably than go without Blue Bell

You are not alone, I now want Blue Bell ice cream more than ever

Is it wrong that reading about these recalls is fomenting a powerful BlueBell craving in me? Is no publicity bad publicity when it comes to my fave Banana Pudding ice cream? What is wrong with me?

When I was in 4th grade, I was already nearly 5’10”. Which is my current height. I was basically a year from finishing puberty. They thought I had a pituitary tumor and might die. Turns out I just have a huge pituitary and some hormone disorders. Point is, shit was hard for youngrootof. Kids were fucking dickbags.

I reread the first line 3 times before I realized you weren’t talking to god and were about to receive a holy takedown. Still good, but not biblical burn good.

So there was this guy who would always sexually harass me on my way home from work. I’d get off the train and walk by this auto repair shop. This motherfucker didn’t even work at the shop — the shop owner described him as a “parasite” who loitered outside of the shop trying to buy up junkers and always hollering at…

Being British and studying in the US, I acquired the rather unimaginative nickname ‘England’. I was sitting in my dorm room with my new boyfriend and a (finger)blast from the past, and the blast from the past casually mentions that we banged, and looks to the boyfriend for a reaction. Boyfriend’s jaw twitches a…

Waiting at the airport for a flight. There’s a line of about 10 people at the counter that were delayed from an earlier flight. Some dude pushes past the line and screams at the desk agent that, “(He) has to be on this flight! And it has to be first class!” Agent tells him that she can help him but he need to wait in…

Open bar? Drink in each hand. Problem solved. ;)

Junior high dance and I was in 7th grade. I went with my best friend and we were kind of bummed because neither of us had dates but we soon realized it was more fun to not have dates because we could dance with more than one boy. So we spent a lot of the night dancing with whomever asked us and, of course, each other.…

Same story, different party. I was in college at a friend’s engagement party, slow dancing with a good friend who I intermittently slept with and had a tiny, silent but DREADFUL, eye-watering fart slip out. I knew it was gonna be deadly but thought I could “dance” us a few feet away to avoid the worst of it.…

I feel like you totally stole this from the plot of some rom-com I can’t remember. I feel like now you need to try to track him down, experience a series of hijinks, and then fall in love all over again. It’s the right thing to do.

..I burst into treats...

I was at my senior homecoming, looking hot and dancing my ass off, or so I thought.

Mine was not at a school dance, but it was Jr. High at a basement party at the Coolest Girl’s house. I was in 7th grade and really fond of horse jewelry, which should give you a baseline as to my cool factor. I was invited because I was “dating” the kewlest boy in our grade (because we grew up together I guess? Our…

I feel robbed. ROBBED.

Worst place I ever got sick was camping in the Sierra Mountains with my family. After a week of camping, on our last night, I was struck with a really nasty stomach bug. We had spent the afternoon drinking margaritas, so when the first wave of nausea hit, I thought it was the tequila. But no. How I wish it had been…