OK this isn’t my sickest burn. It is the best burn (probably more of a quip) I’ve delivered that I should not be alive to tell the tale.

I saw this and with great hubris thought, “I don’t have a story.” But then I remembered the Snowman’s Ball. It was my first semester at a new high school. I had a few friends but not many yet. It didn’t help that I had skipped a grade and was pretty much 2 years younger than every one in my grade.

Its racist because it is used as a compliment to people of color when they aren’t generally expected to be intelligent enough to speak well and at the same time discounting slang or Ebonics as a marker of stupidity.

I was just a tad too young to care about access to porn then but your mention of dial-up just reinforces the idea of how bleak that would be. Christ, I can't even imagine paying for porn and then waiting for it to load on fucking dial-up.

I seriously don't get the confusion about free porn. Can you imagine if we had literally no access to free porn. What a bleak alternate reality.

omg this thread was better than a Scandal cliffhanger. I needed to know the cat status so badly. I think I started tearing up and maybe some of my hair started to fall out.

HEY, don't drag Jane the Virgin into this!

My go to response is "I need a reason to smile, show me how tiny your dick is." This a kind of a gamble tho. You definitely risk being shown a dick. Hasn't happened yet. I try to make sure I use this when there's enough people around that I won't be shown a dick.

This finale was only one comatose Lyon and a case of amnesia short of using every shocking plot possible in one episode. I should have snarky things to say about cheap emotional ploys trying to trick me into thinking I'm watching something intriguing but my jaw is still on the damn floor.

How is this not an Onion article?

Every white blonde woman in tennis doesnt have to be making all the money for this to be about them being white and blonde. The best paid ones are white and blonde despite talent is the point.

This starts way earlier than high school. In second grade I was sent home because after YEARS of no one doing anything about a little boy who didnt understand that chasing, pinning and kissing girls without their permission was not nice, he finally kissed me and I punched him in the face. No adult truly discouraged…

I once, regrettably, made a glory hole joke and then was forced to explain its meaning to my mom. That was not the worst part. The worst part has been the three years since where my mom will randomly work in glory hole jokes into conversations. I've created a monster. My only solace is that she created me so she did…

The fact that there isnt a Broad City open thread on Jezebel is a crime against humanity.

Duuuude. I was like just ignore it Fitz. Y'all are gross together and no amount if high stakes wars, Helen of Troy comparisons or kidnappings is going to trick me into thinking your love is the end all be all. Fuck right off.