Actual Gchat I just had with my GF:

“The only true wealth is when you don’t think about wealth.”

Have you asked your uncle what predictions he has in 2012 if Obama was re-elected? And after he is done talking about the end of days, remind him that unemployment is at 4.9%

You’re welcome for giving you some first-class, luxury vomit

If Trump was worried about a woman holding a pen, how would he handle Putin?

“Excuse me a second. Hold on a second. I resent that remark because I do have a bottom. It’s a first-class bottom and the best you’ve ever seen, let me tell you. My bottom is so great. It is! Some have even told me that I have a power bottom. That’s right! A power bottom. It’s something my beautiful daughter Ivanka…

I really hope that, if offered, Warren turns down a VP slot; she deserves far better.

I feel like skipping Ted Cruz would be criminal. :P

Aaaawww... They grow up so fast...

Why is everyone so afraid of Ted Cruz? I don’t get it. He’s a great guy! Fantastic even. He’s going to make all of our dreams come true! Seriously, guys. All you have to do is sign one eeensy weensy contract. I have it right here actually. You don’t REALLY need to read the whole thing, do you? It’s pretty standard…

Ted Cruz’s “talent” is indeed threatening, if by “talent,” you’re referring specifically and exclusively to his extremely unique gift for CREEPING ME THE FUCK OUT.

Producer 1: Stop using legal terms around Sarah, she doesn’t know what they mean and she keeps dropping them in at random!

I’m sold. Death to America!

Maybe you just don’t understand adulthood.

She didn’t “attend” the rally, she was a protester. I feel like this post doesn’t quite make it clear that she wasn’t a Trump-ite but instead was a dumb ass on the other side. Can we face the fact that both the Trumpites AND the protesters are often fucking assholes in these cases?

Liberal wet dream: Trump is denied the nomination and forms a third party ticket that is joined by a ton of downballot politicians for the House and Senate.

American politics are so much more interesting than Canadian.

I spent my whole life in southern California. I had NO IDEA ketchup on hot dogs was a controversial thing. Like...why even have ketchup if not for hot dogs?

shut it down, comments closed for the day