Do you eat off your legs?

• An ambitious corn dog that escaped from the concession stand at a rural Alabama fairground, stole an unattended wig, hopped a freight train to Atlantic City and never looked back

Breaking news from Ohio: A new law will require that any woman who has an abortion must hold a full age appropriate birthday party for the fetus every year until said fetus is 18 years old. Furthermore, said woman must include fetus in all holiday card photos and will take to Disney world at least twice in said…

To steal from The Onion’s TV show, she’ll be tried as a black man.