Fine. When will this country get serious about Scotland’s mental illness?

If avc stands for apples(vc) I can tell you they’re really in to it

As Optimus Prime, I transform into a semi truck.

Daddy’s got credit cards and cash!

Ooh, ooh, can the park concessions just be kiosk after kiosk of incredible curse-free food?

I don’t think women need to wear make-up. All the beauty they need is in their smile, which they need to do more often anyway.

“My busted keyboard means I have to keep this short”

Whoa, huge slam on Australia from out of nowhere!

No, but he does get to second base with Oblivion in a post-credits scene critics are calling “too confusing to be considered sexual.”

Because they didn’t have videos of Swedes getting pissed on, and what are you going to do, watch BELGIANS piss on each other?

Avengers: Infinity War is a derivative of the Pixies, 5.2

And finally, there’s Sly and the Family Stone. They’re not really superheroes, though. More just like everyday people. 

Come on, “I do not understand the venom towards this movie,” was right there!

I wish he had taken Bill Kurtis aside just once before he retired from Wait Wait and taught him how to read a limerick. Bill gets the cadence all wrong.

oh no!!!!!! now i’ll never get him on my answering machine!

Well, that goes without saying.

If you go back and read the third word of every single comment I’ve ever written you’ll find a recipe for a really ripping lentil soup.

You know this is an American website, right?

Here comes Old Sourpuss...

I thought that was the one that entitled me to extreme nacho flavor in every bite of Doritos™ GameFuel©™ Chips®