Pleasurable name:comment synergy.

Um, probably that presidential alert.

“Those steel slats Trump now claims he wants on the border? They can be cut with a saw.

This is why I don’t go out much. This is why I ration fluids when I’m traveling. This is why I try to keep my head down. I’m just trying to live my life, and I prefer not to get my ass kicked, killed, or called a homophobe or misogynist because I exist.

I’m sorry, how do I sign up for this condition? 

It’s the remix to R Kelly’s attrition. I hope they build a nice hefty case against this turd.

I want to name my punk band Cunt Infinity. 

Thank you, Wende.

I’d sooner opt for amputation than step on an upturned plug again.

I had the, uhh... “great fortune” of having my life and marriage basically fall completely apart over the last 18 months to the point that six months ago I started over with my two kids (7 and 9) in a new place that we moved into with literally just our clothes and a handful of books and their toys and games. That’s…

NEVER have a march the weekend before an election. THat is a crucial time for campaigns to get out the vote and having marches then (like Stewart and Colbert did in 2010) costs them critical volunteer shifts that can make or break a campaign.

Yeah, Big Rice Lobby is paying us hundreds of dollars a month for product placement. You got us!

Completely constructed an alternative story based solely on the headline and the picture. What they lack in reading comprehension they more than make up for in creativity.

• FELL OFF TOILET, FELL ONTO A MOUSE TRAP, TRAP CLOSED ON PENIS

For men, interactions with women are a zero-sum game. If she wins, he loses. He doesn’t want to be a loser, so in every encounter she has to lose in order to reaffirm his manhood.

Gru, let me yell.

your opening line makes no sense and would cause floods