His son, Danny, rushed to his side...causing a pulled hamstring and placing him on IR for the rest of the season.

Joe Amendola wanted to get in on the action, but he tripped and fell while trying to jump over the bar.

+1, Thanks a lot Jerk! Now I won't be able to get to sleep tonight....peppermint roll!!!

"STARTING QB! PLACE AT THE TABLE!"

Meanwhile, Gates has that watching-the-valet-park-my-Bentley look.

Rivers: "Nnnnhh, peppermint roll!"

"I know that feel, bro."

Even the fucking cops have beards.

How exactly does this post make no sense? Schaub plays poorly, Schaub gets his jersey burned by Houston fans, Schaub gets a burger named "Pick Six" in his "honor" by a Houston restaurant, Schaub gets injured and this is cheered by Houston fans, Schaub's replacement throws a pick six of his own to reward the city for…

Pictured: Houston getting exactly what they deserve.

"It's really more of a crapshoot. Y'know, like what happens when I open my mouth."

It wasn't Peterson's son after all? Whew, that's a relief. I feel so much better knowing that this incredible piece of shit beat up someone else's 2-year-old.

Holy shit, that's awful. And I hate to make this all about my fantasy team, but I'm really pissed off that I didn't start Patterson this week in my Total Piece of Shit pool.

A true Schiano man knows that MRSA is all in your head.

Maybe if they stopped cutting players, there wouldn't be so many infections

ESPN usually has their talent sign non-compete agreements, but in this instance they didn’t want to contract anything.

keep grippin' that shaft leach

When the investigators contacted Crow, they pressured her into the proffer agreement, saying, "If you don't take this, we're going to bring out the big gums against you. GUNS, I meant guns."

Christ Barry, they're called Native Americans!