Try planning a wedding near Notre Dame during football season. (I mean within a 25-mile-radius) My friend is, right now. Notre Dame really believes that all the Amish and Mennonites that live around them care about Touchdown Jesus. Hell, I'm Catholic (severely lapsed) and I hate Notre Dame. The university believes the…

Well, I can understand the temptation. And I'm a parent:)

Thank you for your story. I wish everyone who is confused about these issues could read it. It might help some people see the light on this.

I see we subscribe to the same newsletter.

Oprah Winfrey, Dr. Phil, McCarthy's publisher—all have the suffering of children to atone for. Who knows how many kids have suffered while these morons with microphones told their lies?

Cleanses are like preparing yourself for a colonoscopy. You know what the worst part of a colonoscopy is? The evacuation or "cleansing" beforehand. You're asleep for the procedure.

The fact that those sperm tails coming out of Ryan's head look a bit like toilet plungers at the bottom makes that delightful illustration even better.

I think a lot of guys actually hate the idea of one-night stands.

That's the kind of needless complexity I admire. Well done, CletusThurstonB.

No! Oh God no! I am old and extremely married. Dating was horrid when I was young. I'd never do it again, even if, God forbid, something happened to Mr. Lurk.

Are you naming yourself after the slack-jawed yokel?

Oh my God. Orgasming with a stranger. Seems like finding a unicorn.

Well, food festivals often feature gross food like fried Mars bars, and sometimes the vendors are pretty skeevy, so...hhhhmmmm.

I am old, so please be kind. I am asking this non-sarcastically and non-judgy:

I'll try it, certainly. There is something different about my brain. I've been scanned, probed, imaged, and tested. Something is wrong with my chemistry. I have lived with insomnia for 25 years. It has had a terrible effect on my health!

Tip for people who feel "hung over" after taking it: Take it 11 hours before you will drive or do anything important. You might wake up a bit earlier than you'd like, but you probably won't be dangerous the next day.

Me too. My insomnia is so debilitating, I truly do not think I could live life without it. Not because the substance is addicting, but because my insomnia is so dangerously bad.

Thanks for telling me. I will go to the site ASAP.

Can you show me where to find such high rates? Because if true, I will hunt that place down, and send an email in protest, no matter where it is. That is too high.

You have done the worst thing a human can do on a Gawker Media comment.