I also hate that my girlfriend and I cannot participate in any mundane activity without having to fucking stop and take a photo or a selfie or a snapchat or an instagram and THEN “pick a filter”

I’d just get some dirt on Suzy and when she runs her mouth I give her a taste. I promise she’ll STFU forever.

Dear CA: stop being a bunch of morons. You need water meters at every house and every business. Then you charge for water along a sliding progressive scale. You want to fill your pool during a drought? Sure, it’ll cost you $20,000. Problem solved in most places.

I was thinking more like “this is the face of mixing too many things and still getting Alicia Silverstone to star in my music videos” but also that.

Also asking spoils the mood. If I didn’t need to pee I’d probably be game.

I don’t, because usually I need to pee and please don’t touch my dick.

I imagine your face is a little less “distressed”.

Standing like that it almost looks like there’s package.

Definitely when one was younger. They have a mind of their own under 30 without a doubt. Also why I never showered after gym in HS but went home to do that. Being closeted around insanely hot guys in boarding school was awful.

Sometimes they just pop up. Don’t get all upset about it.

Back when Lands End wasn’t owned by Sears they made things in my size. I mean I like a little give but when my shirt turns into a dress with more bunching than my mom’s old abaya I had to call it.

I live in a major city. We don’t have them, there’s no space. Outlet malls are a rare excursion, but even then only of I’m out of town. If I’m out of town I’ll go to a one stop store. I don’t think of outdoor, pseudo-Main Street store collections as malls.

Oh no, I get the efficiency aspect, it’s just I have a hard time remembering when I last went to one, intentionally.

I think this is one of those “women are terrible friends but I’m a woman and I know I need women as friends” bullshit memes. So, so tiring.

Flannel, always and forever. No fucks given to side eye.

My previous solution to this was to just buy clothes when I visited my parents in France. Store to store the sizes were basically standardized. Too long? I can now hem them? Too loose? Tailoring. Now, well now I’m fucked.

If a friend somehow talks me into going to a mall

Indira Gandhi thought she’d fixed that overpopulation issue. Her “fix” made things worse.

I realize you have a stick up your ass about a lot of things, but if a black man can play Hamlet, she can play whomever. Get over yourself.

No one is asking them to walk around on egg-shells.