This is such a good piece, and very worth the read. You know, if you can get past the “HE SAID PENIS!” giggles.

She made herself a lot of money and got herself a book deal, and is the only person responsible for her TV career.

All this.

Seconded. Sure, we all loved her takedown of Newt, but it was like seeing Alien vs. Predator. No matter which one wins, it was going to immediately turn and attack you next.

She probably wants to be able to terminate the contract penalty free the second something better comes in.

“He also added that money isn’t an issue in the negotiations”

Hahaaaa, I KNEW about the elevator Close buttons! They’re placebos for alpha types. My friends always look at me like I’m all Tinfoil Hattie whenever I tell them this, though.

Now this is a motherfucking president.

I’m definitely saving some DNA when Samantha Davis Jr passes. We can’t be that far from affordable pet cloning, and then I’d get the joy of a kitten again!

It’ll be really hard to outdo their fabulous graphics at the DNC, when the entire Jumbotron appeared to shatter & rain a million pieces of glass down through all the other smaller screens and the stage. That was SO much awesome! (It’s no wonder Trump was jealous of the DNC, because she out-WWE’d him.)

Saaaaaaaame!

Poor puppy.

I hope she gets Spielberg or Kathryn Bigelow to do some special effects of the ceiling breaking. Because what Election Night needs is the celebration of all celebrations and special effects.

I believe this is the gif you were looking for...

hahahaha right? and the way ilana practically knocks herself out saluting? I loved it so much.

HBD, HRC!

I finally saw that episode... it was everything I hoped for! 

So weird—I heard she’ll be 45 in January.