Bitter expedients. Bitter cretin. Papa John.

This message endorsed by Tim Salmon. 

To be fair, the focus of his ads is to reach his home market, and that alone is an upstream battle.

And hello to you, guy who is doing great but not quite as good as deGrom so far this season.

Eh, that’s tricky as hell, and I’m not really sure he made the wrong choice. Staying in college carries huge, huuuuuuuge risk for a first-round draft prospect. Like if he’d stayed at Kansas another year, developed his game, and entered the NBA readier to be a productive player, that would’ve been great; maybe he’d be…

In order:

according to Comscore, nobody. fun fact: more people [‘unique visitors’] read Timothy Burke over the months of March and April 2018 than read all of barstoolsports.com, according to Comscore. 

I am not raunchy, but I am inappropriate at times

I mean, I get how fucking annoying our dream team of Deadspin writers+commenters is. And there is a lot of compelling content that runs counter to our self important slacktivism out there. But what the fuck compels a person to read that drivel?

“Papa John Has Regrets.”

Elon Musk has earned the right to get a mulligan on this.

If you are genuinely interested in an answer to this (and not just an Elon fanboy), Zeynep Tufekci (https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/14/opinion/sunday/elon-musk-thailand-hubris.html) has been covering the issue well.

His tunnel boring machine must have hit a major breakthrough, given the rate at which he is digging himself in a hole.

FREE LARRY FITZGERALD!

I know you don’t actually fucking care, and you’re just a troglodyte that wants to spew Fox News talking points without ever having an original thought, but on the off-chance you actually are both uninformed and want to learn, here’s what’s actually happening.

“A guy I went to high school with is in the news! I’d better write an article about it so everyone knows I have a connection to someone more famous than I am!”

This seemed like a Billy Haisley article with Patrick Redford’s name on the byline. France doesn’t play “ultra-conservative,” Giroud’s not as crap as he’s made to sound, and ffs, no one in the world would ever describe Blaise Matuidi as “leaden.” He’s fast as shit, tall and wiry, and a brilliant all-around box-to-box…

Thanks for sharing this, I’m sure most of us would have no idea what to do if this happened to us or a family member.

If you’re an average, out-of-shape 35-year-old, a world class keeper isn’t going to have to guess where you’re kicking. He’s going to wait for you to kick it and then make the save.