Actually: catastrophic breach of campaign finance law.

Multiple choice question. You do not like Paul or Steve. Steve shoots Paul in the back. Your response is:

Yup, she’s clearing the way so her book can’t be injuncted.

They could also move to Missouri.

That seems fair. The rest of us are well used to getting fucked up the arse by the people these wankers vote for.

Even the verb involved... “to see”. Like, I saw some good hockey fights on Youtube today when I was meant to be working. Stick that in the personal achievements file.

So nowadays venal politicians don’t even have to throw a few dollars at their base, they just have to throw a lot of dollars at their cronies and tell their base they’re going to get richer.

You’re giving these muppets far too much credit. If you asked Mr Florida Congressman what his interpretation of Locke is viz a vis gun rights he’d tell you it’s not up to the government to tell people how they can and can’t keep their weapons.

Blink and you’d miss it.

Fifteen babies? I’m gonna knock up 15 different women and make them all have abortions. But not at gunpoint... BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE A GUN.

Nah, it’s the American Ross Kemp.

“Schnickerenspüwen”

Also, while obviously you must never mention this role to anyone at all (I mean, that’s a given for most roles taken by jobbing actors right?) you must also either never mention it to any of your friends, family or people you end up drunkenly chatting to in a bar OR ensure that anyone you do tell also never mentions…

Just don’t end up being seen as a CMCACW: crisis model, crisis actress, crisis whatever. It means crisis prostitute, basically.

To be fair, it would explain the baffling career longevity of Johnny Depp.

Are there any other American manufacturing outfits whose product is responsible for thousands of deaths? In the news recently?

“Racist? Nonsense. The term ‘lebensraum’ originates in the 1890s.”

“Catholics and Presbyterians are basically the same thing”? Dude, for fuck’s sake please never set foot in West Belfast. I beg you.

I really hope you’re right. Because the alternative is “this is as high as the investigation is going to go, so nail the top guy we’ve got with as much as possible to make it look like we’ve succeeded.”

Nah, it won’t work like that. They’ll ask for a few volunteers per school and all the sane teachers will think “no fucking way am I touching that”. So what you’ll end up with is armed assistant football coaches.