Awww, one last Pinkham’s Law. Thanks for coming.

no, fellow article reader, I’m asking you or someone like you to read these stories out loud to me. If your spoken voice drips with disdain as much as your typed words, we’re off to a good start for the narration of horrible customer week.

It IS right, because cocaine is a hell of a drug.

This will NEVER be seen but I had to stop reading after ‘Tess’. I believe I knew her. Tess had a form of frontal lobe dementia and she has since passed. She was silly and awesome and wonderful, highly educated and a beautiful soul. Please know she would NEVER have done this before her life was robbed from her :(

twas simply a joke because it’s really dark and cold in winter and really hot and humid in summer. not a hard concept here.

You should probably get her tested and make sure she’s not a Skrull, dude.

Ranch may be beloved by crazy people but it is no reason to sully the good name of ranch. <3 you ranchie

6’3” is tall for normal, non-basketball playing people.

In the late 60s my mom was a cheerleader at K-State (Manhattan KS) and Bill Cosby was in town. She and another cheerleader tried to meet him. They made it all the way to the door of his hotel room where they were told he wasn’t seeing any visitors.

In a deli my mom owned, my toddler nephew once accidentally whacked Ben Roethlisberger in the nuts when he asked him for a high five and being a 3-year-old he got too excited and swung really hard but missed and hit crotch. It was about 16-18 months after he was criminally cleared in the 2nd rape scandal, and you’d…

“Summer camp special kid?!”

My manager bursts out laughing and says “A summer camp special kid? Hahaha! That’s Delonte West. He’s on the Celtics...and that’s gotta be his agent and...uh...very expensive prostitutes.”

I live and do stuff near enough to know that area, and lets just say that the instant I heard the news anchor say "Fight at McDonald's drive thru" I knew exactly which McDonald's it happened at. Not a terrible neighborhood, but totally a neighborhood where a McDonald's manager could find himself punching a drunk-ass…

I love the idea that he wasn’t supposed to call the police on people about to endanger those around them.

Yep, it’s called taxis, uber or friend. You just pulled Pinkham’s law. Congrats.

Also the stolen-from-the-Bible cities of Bethlehem, PA and Emmaus, PA.

Newsflash: America has millions and millions of people who live their entire lives “in a terrible fix”.

Please Pinkham, keep updating us on White Mosse vs. Vegans. This is next level countertrolling.

A carrot holding down your caps lock? That’s comedy GOLD!