“I’d like him to penalize ME for unsportsmanlike conduct!”

What a world we live in... As a kid growing up in the 80s and 90s, I would have never expected a day where “The power and torque levels are lower in the race car” could actually be a thing.

I eagerly await GM fanboys suddenly claiming DOHC is better!

This is the correct take. If I want to keep something private... I don’t tell it to anybody. I definitely don’t tell it to lots of people. And I absolutely don’t tell it to lots of people online.

Private social media account.

If I was worried about my private business showing up in the news, I would probably stop posting it on social media rather than engaging in an elaborate sting operation to catch the culprit.

Yeah, where the normal version would only do one lap, this one would do three before the transmission shit the bed. 

That’s a Jalopnik deep cut.

The next morning:

The Boomers hated on their parents. Called them squares and said they didn’t get it. So now, it’s what goes around, comes around. Circle of life and whatnot.

I remember waiting for my mom at the bottom of a slide at Action Park, and when she hit the pool, her tits flew out.  So, my scars were only emotional.

A moron who’s gotten away with this behavior his whole life bc he’s a star athlete.

You mean the jackass deadspin rushed to valiantly defend against incompetent GMs, saying he just needed an organization who would let AB be AB. That aged as well as a magary chili fart casserole.

Dude, monorails put Brockway, Ogdenville, AND North Haverbrook on the map.

+1 Red Vine

Is it? I’d rather play for the Jets than have to watch the Jets. 

My girlfriend’s sister had mono when we were all in college. I was terrified I’d get it because my girlfriend was the super jealous type and she would have accused me of kissing her sister or something. And the last thing I’d want is my girlfriend yelling at me because then my wife would find out.

Is she single?

She’s really more of a “braaap” person.

Thank god Marchant wasn’t called for a slash there. If the headline had said “slashed dick and balls” I doubt I would have clicked on it.