Apparently, all of the servers in these stories have met my mother.

One night in 1998 I was at a strip club in Houston called Gigis Cabaret (Anna Nicole started there). I was having a drink when a waitress came up and, seeing the motorcycle helmet on the chair, asked if my bike was outside. I said yes and she said someone had "knocked it over". I ran out just in time to see the…

I went to school with her. In the same class from 1st grade through high school. It's like all the crazy we saw in school was distilled, compressed and is now sublimating. She bragged about getting her first husband, a comm signal officer (think army it manager) stuck in Iraq for an extended tour by talking no end of…

Roy Tarpley was a forerunner to the 7 foot players who had multi faceted games and became what is commonly known as stretch 4's today. The Mavs who had a fun team back then actually had two guys, Tarpley and Detlef Schrempf who were tremendously versatile. Players like Kevin Garnett and Dirk Nowitski are the natural…

It must be such a relief to see something black on the floor in Chicago that isn't Derrick Rose.

Unless it was necessary

Good news is that the UPD and Tallahassee PD are investigating, so the criminals will be brought swiftly to justice.

Bae, this list is cra! Swag with the thots or nah? We just word hacking over here bae. Someone needs to pivot word definitions. #YOLO

Little Eddie would have given Harbauh $8 million in gold bullion and a hand job at the middle of the Golden Gate Bridge. Times have changed.

Cannot resist.

I was serving a grandfather and his teenage grandson. The kid asked for a bowl of chili, at which point I explained that we were out of chili, apologized (why we as servers have to do this, I don't know, but we do) and told him the other soups we had available. The kid said, "But I wanted the chili." Ok, well,…

The best part was that when my mom came to get me after I got fired (I was 16 — I couldn't drive myself yet!) she wanted to stop by the mall on the way home. There was a fancy new store that sold tapes and CDs (! — hey, this was 1986!) opening up, and they were setting up the store. In a fit of bravado I asked if they…

Why this trade COULD happen: Both teams are run by muppets.

My pet, semi-tinfoil theory, is straight out of corporate-downsizing 101. I worked for a smallish company that got bought by the mouse house, and shortly thereafter we were taken over by a new general manager, whose job - as it was told to us - was to streamline and reinvigorate productivity. Unbeknownst to us but…

Yordano Ventura should be the template of how to live – do your best at your job and then go enjoy the rest of your life.

So the next morning, I'm driving out to my local CarMax in the Ferrari, and a thought hits me: What if they recognize me? I've been doing these Range Rover columns for a while, and they're pretty popular, and I've received quite a few e-mails from current and former CarMax employees, sharing some funny stories of…

I'm wondering why on earth we're not willing to celebrate this great country's motoring history by running a legal, sanctioned, celebrated annual event to cross the continent the fastest way possible. Set up a route, stagger starting times, set up vendors, television outposts, and spectator stands along the route, and…

Played the game my whole life, including juniors and through college. Took one to the neck once, just missed my Adam's apple, and boy oh boy, that was some seriously scary shit. A stinger so bad you feel completely numb. Hope he gets better soon.