“This young Guerrero Jr. is a star in the making, and Canadians have adopted them as their own. I propose we find an appropriate way to honor him, and I have a few ideas.”

I believe that was Wilt Chamberlain’s pick up line

Rumor has it the cheerleaders were also part of a pyramid scheme.

• 10 BROKEN CRAYONS

“SMILEY HAND TOY FROM VENDING MACHINE, MOM NOTED A RUBBER HAND PROTRUDING FROM RECTUM”

If he endangered the lives of others—not referring to his friends here—then it does lessen the tragedy. He’s Josh Hancock on a boat.

Again, if a player gets knocked out by a knee injury, it’s a shame. But knee ligaments rarely result in lasting harm for players. Brain damage don’t heal.

All these flavors, and you chose salty.

Carson Wentz will win Super Bowl MVP this year, fuck you.

Can we get Univision to shell out for an All Bears sub-blog now? Let some damn good come of this whole mess.

Oh great, jellyfish have learned how to post internet comments.

This is the least fun thing anyone has ever said.

My friends gives us vinegar

If the Earth were round, Giancarlo Stanton’s dingers would go straight into outer space. Think about it, you guys.

Got to hand it to Duncan. He was the first player in the league to truly enter Century 21.

Counter-counterpoint: Steph Curry has little baby deer ankles that could snap at any moment.

They could have done it with the UbiArt engine.

So explain this to me. I'm relatively young and listen to a shit ton of music. I like '60s soul, '70s new wave, '80s college rock, '90s shoegaze, '00s indie pop, etc. etc. I spend more time listening and thinking about popular music than probably anybody should. Yet I still really dig Bruce Springsteen, and not out of…

Why do so many sportswriters love ribs?