I would be shocked that even some of the people in that subreddit apparently believe magic is actually a thing that can work, but it’s no more nonsensical than any major religion, so I guess more power to them. 

Just hire a hooker and have her role play it. It will probably not even be in the top 25 of the weird requests she ever got.

I can give you my ex’s number. 

I’ll Ask Jeeves

I’ll check WikiHow if you do Yahoo Answers

um...but...the everest IS the SUV based on the Global ranger...

Ah yes! Now that you mention it.... I recall once when I was but a young lad in early university and I had recently met my girlfriend (now wife). My dad and I were going to New York for a skiing trip and she came along. It was really, really dark that night on the way (5 hour drive) and she was tired so she laid…

We already have Milo Yannoupolis in this century, so we already understand the mindset of a self-hating hypocrite. Not why it happens exactly, but it’s not “unpresidented” (in the parlance of the Compromised Cuck of the Free World).

But...she wasn’t transgender?

You get a star just for including a link to the google maps location!

It would be interesting to tell this to a super SJW person Prius driver.

her mom was a [whatever], so she was probably too [something something] to notice.

I was 18 years old driving a 1989 Ford Bronco. It was summer at the Jersey Shore. My first serious girlfriend and I had gotten out of a movie: Forrest Gump. Driving down the road I look over at her and she has an odd, contemplative look on her face. Being a dumb 18 year old guy, I didn’t really know what to say and…

It’s always cute when the girl is confident like that and takes the initiative

Summer 1995

My first date with my wife. We were about to start our second year of law school, and she really didn’t want to go back. She had little to no interest in becoming a lawyer, but had succumbed to family pair. We had been friends through our first year, and I told her I’d take her on an adventure to cheer her up. I…

My first BJ was in a car, does that count?

If you’re not gonna talk about that time with the mayonaise and the wiffleball bat, I guess I’ll keep my mouth shut too.

Well.

I love Jalopnik and I trust y’all, but some things well, I will regret making public knowledge.

Case in point: the magical ability to pull water from our eyes with a Wiz Khalifa song.