That white zinfandel story reminds me of something that happened at the first bar I ever worked.

These two dude bros straight up swagger up to the bar (which was fairly busy). Popped collar hamptonites with less money than they want you to assume they have. The one guy leans in over the bar and shouts “Lemme get a ZIN…

This would’ve made an excellent submission.

If I saw that happen, I would freak the fuck out. I’d be demanding where she kept her EpiPen, make sure she was breathing, and making as much of a fuss about the incident as humanly possible short of calling 911. I don’t know if people can be embarassed into being less stupid, but I’d sure as hell try.

What is it with sushi and stupid people? I was out to dinner this weekend at a very nice sushi place (the kind where they serve sushi and that’s it, no hibachi or noodle dishes or anything) and the two women at the table in front of us were absolute nitwits. They sat down, looked over the menu, and then started doing…

back in the very early 90s I worked at Hardee's (that's Carl's Jr for you west coast folks) after school. This was when they introduced the peach milkshake, which I don't even know if they have anymore because I haven't set foot in one since high school. We sold so many of these damn things. Except there was this one…

No, that last one is okay. Bowls are only for soup.

I love you people (wipes eyes)

I'm going to call all my desserts "skinny" and all my meat foods "burgers!" VEGETARIAN WEIGHT LOSS, HERE I COME!

IT TASTES LIKE HAM.

I can die now that I've shared ham chop with the world. Pinkham, just made my DAY.