I was kind of torn about the people in the hotel room next to mine a few years back . On the one hand, I was trying to sleep, but on the other they went three rounds, with a break in the middle for breakfast and reading each other funny things in the newspaper and laughing gently together. I was honestly happy for…

Under getting hit by a bus made of javelins.

I am going to say yes, because it was the Washington Nationals.

Gay black woman is good, pan sexual Puerto Rican alligator is great.

I mean, that’s a fair complaint, but one of the more protected finishers in history is the People’s Elbow, which is the weakest-looking shit in the world. Either way, check out Baron Corbin’s Deep Six signature move, which looks significantly cooler:

If you have to “shit real bad” at weigh ins, your timing was just a bit off. 

Me: violate me with that scorpion tail, daddy

[writes “37. Lennay Kekua”]

Is anyone eating these for nutrition reasons though? Isn’t it mostly environmental and ethical reasons? 

Dear Penthouse,

;)

Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.

The en dash with a space on either side (“Foodspin - perhaps the most useful of Deadspin sub-blogs - was abandoned by lazy and thoughtless people”) has been acceptable as an alternative to the em dash for a while.

This is especially egregious since MLB has added that rectangle target right there above the plate.

There’s no good way to ask this, so I’m just gonna ask it...

Can I come over for dinner please?

I didn’t know the dad from Calvin and Hobbes had a Kinja account!

Today is my birthday and I was doing the annual “What I’m going to do over the next year” exercise with a friend when this news hit. A reminder that a year, hell another day, isn’t a given. Make them count.

R.I.P Tyler and deepest condolences to his friends and family.

Being nice to assholes like you is a job. 

Lot of spare “s”s in theres...

Haikus are poems
Poem has two syllables
Poem has only one