Protect our eyes, indeed!

"C'mon ice cream!"

Wow, she's really putting that $1 win to good use!

CHUCK E CHEESE KNOWS WHAT'S UP

Way to throw shade at the rest of us.

"How you like THEM apples?"

They needed a new captain for their Beer Pong team, too.

Area Strategist Autofellated

I really liked the AVC article on this song from earlier this year.

We truly need Martha and the Vandellas right now.

MSNBC reporting now.

MSNBC now confirming.

All I can hope for and say is, "keep following the money."

I'd issue a Warrant for his arrest.

"Bassist Unaware Rock Band Nazi."

The most bewildering comment dropped on me was in a bar, when a woman came up to me and said, "you look like you used to be good at something."
I mean, WTF?
Then I realized she was coming on to me, but damn I must've had some look on my face trying to decipher that one out.

"…because 8th graders will make fun of you but in an accurate way. They will get to the thing that you don’t like about you. They don’t even have to look at you for long. They’ll just be like, ‘Ha, ha, ha, ha, hey, look at that high wasted man. He got feminine hips.’ And I’m like, ‘No! That’s the thing I’m sensitive…

Trump: I want my wines on your list.
Mike D: (looks at list) …all I see are whites.
Trump: the BEST whites.

"Man Who's 1/16th Irish Proud Of His Irish Heritage."

Clayton Bigsby for the win!