On one hand, KC was down their #1 quarterback, #1 and #2 running backs, and #1 receiver, so the only remaining playmaker getting himself ejected in a game that wasn’t out of reach was incredibly dumb. And it’s going to open him up to lots of hot takes about his selfishness and attention-seeking because that sort of…

Kelce: [mutters insult]

On behalf of cubs fans, stop it. Nobody cares about him, nobody considers whatever his place in Cubs lore important enough to throw out any first pitch. We haven’t really thought about him in 12 years, besides when some media person or vaguely informed player tells us to “finally forgive him.” Which, almost everyone…

Oh man, my Dad sure loves a twist ending. Best way to finish, in my opinion.

My grandfather died without ever having seen the cubs win the world series. So, my Dad, ever the crazy asshole he is, brought a radio out on the porch so gramps could listen in from heaven. We all thought he was going out there to jack off, but nope he was going out there to be with his Dad, which I thought was sweet.…

“Joe, I’ve assembled a can’t-lose roster.”

...

it’s just a picture of legs that cuts to an image of a man standing in a burning house and he has a goat head and his eyes are the black of the void and then it cuts back to an image of legs with paint on them and then it’s the goat headed man and he’s closer to the foreground and I can smell sulfur and then it cuts…

2/3 * 0 = 0. Science.

This is what happens when you fuck find a stranger in the ass Alps.

Are you sure you don’t mean, “this is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?”

YOURE KILLING YOUR FATHER, LARRY!

Is this your homework Larry?

This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.

This is exactly why I already pulled my meager $120 balance out already. I recommend anyone who has money in their account do the same.  

The good thing is they aren’t stuck with this failing business model for an entire season, they can choose a new one everyday!

He should retire once he hits 69 TDs. Go out on top, or bottom depending on his preference.

He’s the six million dollar bro. We made him bigger, stronger, faster, but we couldn’t get him to stop laughing at the number 69.