But I am important.

Why can’t it be Skip Bayless whose car rolls down a driveway and pins him up against a brick wall? Why is Stuart Scott dead of cancer, but this guy gets to keep having a broadcasting career?

Good lord. I am no LeBron fan, but no one who watched this game should ever have come away thinking that LeBron wasn’t the MVP.

Where did you see that Chrysler knowingly cut corners?

Hardcore UFC fans will sleep a lot easier tonight as soon as someone reads this to them.

I think we should all take a moment, gather our thoughts, and immediately start jumping to conclusions using whatever stereotypes come to mind. Considering it’s a nice day out let’s also engage in a pointlessly hostile debate on gun control.

Dallas News is reporting he got shot kicking down two doors to an apartment that wasn’t his in the middle of the night:

Spoken like someone who has never been high at 4am before.

Underrated and overrated are the worst categories in sports journalism. “Is Steph Curry’s defense better or worse than your perception of the public’s perception of Steph Curry’s defense?”

I don’t trust him not to come back back back back back back.

In human years, I checked.

Hang on, hang on, hang on... Wait...

I hope you’re not an English teacher because you don’t understand sentence construction.

+1 finger-wag

The only reason he joined Twitter is because someone told him he could block people.

It’s a shitty situation - the Heat obviously want Bosh to play, but not at the risk of his health or his life

Could be worse. I mean, blood clots aren't as devastating as the comet that wiped out the rest of his family sixty five million years ago.

Only surprised no one had a gun.

I thought Alissa Walker was the worst editor over at Gawker for her endlessly annoying utopian autonomous car puff pieces, but I now pass that honor to you and whatever the fuck you call this sensationalist bullshit. Can’t wait for “the big one” to bring Darwinism back to the west coast and finally put an end to you…

Pretty fucked up how he gave Chloe Sevigny HIV, though.