I was at a Q&A that he was doing with Jay last year (it was a podcast) and a young very sweet, seemingly quite vulnerable man stood up to ask a question, and ended up just asking for a hug.

So my cousin is an astronaut and was the NASA consultant for The Martian. He is now friends with Matt Damon. I watched this press conference for the movie that my cousin participated in, and Damon is so humble and says how we really need to applaud NASA, not actors. I thought it was pretty neat!

Oh I have such a better story than even that.

I come from a family that some of them purposely want to kiss you on the mouth. Like, old aunt Edith holds your face with one claw-like hand and smacks you right on the mouth-hole. EUGH. NO. NOOO.

Guys, erhm, I’m full-blooded Italian and my family doesn’t work like that, nor do any of my friends’ families. You sometimes kiss your own children on the mouth when they’re little ‘cause you love ‘em and that’s it. You don’t see grown relatives making out on Christmas Eve, believe me.

I’m not very affectionate so my sisters like to pin me down and mouth kiss me. A tradition that started in childhood and will continue till one of us breaks a hip.

Has anyone ever (ACCIDENTALLY) had this happen with a relative (BY ACCIDENT) and never forgotten the shame and horror of turning your head at the wrong moment and kissing your gross uncle on the mouth (OH MY GOD IT WAS AN ACCIDENT).

Duuuuude! Bobby Jindal is going to get the lighting crew fired so fast! He looks positively brown. We all know that according to Bobby he looks like this, he told us so, it’s his official portrait.

The kid in the center with the airplane is Ben Carson minutes before flying the Enola Gay to drop the bomb on Hiroshima. The next day he received the Medal of Honor and an apple. It’s in his book, Gifted Liar.

“ Blaming men in faraway countries for their own violence —”

I am a youth! 26. So I was not attending goth films in the early nineties, but instead watching The Lion King and Lamb Chop and Mr. Rogers.

Choosing to take comfort in the fact that these awful people are becoming less and less powerful. I know they still have far too much power, but I can only deal with so much shit in one day.

Arthur Paul Jr. SAYS his portrait is of Douglas Fairbanks, but clearly he is a time traveling Terminator, who created a portrait of one of his kind.

“There I was, enjoying a light repast at the Applebuddies club, engaging in a fine and stimulating discussion of Amanda McKittrick Ros’s brilliant use of simile and metaphor, when suddenly what should assault my ears but some jenny foreigner defiling the rarefied air of our great nation with her native tongue! Well I…

Excellent retort from the judge.

That’s another thing I don’t understand about young people: they are always complaining that there are no jobs. Well, maybe you should put in a little effort, wear a button-down, long-sleeved shirt to cover your “tats” and take out your nose ring for a few hours. It’s not that hard. It took me a single post on a…

Yep, the ones I know are white, relatively well-off, cis, straight, women though, mostly. Trying to have even a minimally political conversation is like talking to a wall. I have better luck with my 5 year old nephew. They don’t give two shits about anything, social or economic. They literally have no opinion. Because…

Expand that gamut; plenty of avowed feminists (particularly second wave) are just as terrible about your genetics = your gender. It is most common among right wing people who take issue with all LGBT people but there are also people who should know better who are no ally to trans people.

I’ve always defended Houston to you all, but today I’m going to stop. Today I’m finally ashamed to be a Houstonian. Only 600,000 people voted. Out of 2.2 million. I blame all of the people I know who were eligible to vote and didn’t because they were “too busy” or “their vote wouldn’t matter,” or forgot to register or…