I’ll take 1 tiny lion, please.

Oryx and Crake, anyone?

It's not as bad as the time a kid went Buffalo Bill on me. He told me my hands were so soft that he wanted to cut them off and cut his hands off so he could sew my hands on. I took my hand away from him because he was rubbing his cheek against it. I backed away slowly and told his sister how creepy her brother was…

But what about pigoons?

Super shit news: this week I found out I have cancer.

Windex works like a charm.

I'll have to try that! In true my big fat Greek wedding fashion my Greek fiancé also believes that windex works for everything so I would not be surprised !

Or: One of mine did not want to sit on the toilet. Standing only. So I would have to put his feet on top of mine, and then gently put my finger underneath the base of his tiny penis so the tip wouldn’t touch that gnarly disgusting diseased filth-riddled strip of toilet rim at the very front of the seat in public…

100% Charles’ son

A lot of times your feelings change once you have a child... it’s not a conscious thing, you just feel differently about everything. For me personally hearing my daughter cry physically pained me, I mean cry if she was in pain or as an infant, I don’t mean as a 2 yr old throwing a fit. You don’t want them to cry, you…

My niece walked in on me changing my tampon and I said something like “Oh hi, I’m having my period.” Her alarmed reply: “AGAIN!? BUT YOU SAID IT HAPPENED WHEN YOU WERE TWELVE!”

If you have a bathroom without a lock and a toddler, it’s pretty easy for them to crash in whether you want them to or not!

I grew up in a super Evangelical community, and am still friends with a lot of Evangelicals (many of whom are legitimately decent people who really and truly care social justice issues), so I’ve seen facebook posts and tweets and petitions galore about Kelly Gissendaner. Including some from people who actually know…

Little known fact: their halberds also have a corkscrew concealed in the base.

We can ship them out on planes, great planes, huge planes, I have lots of planes and I know what to get. The plane guys, they respect me. I can work with them. Right now, we don’t have that.

“We’re gonna round them up in a very nice way.”

FWIW, I believe the bad rap on Jenner’s parenting was (legitimately and self-admittedly on Caitlyn’s part) from the kids from the first and second marriages. Part of the trouble was that Jenner did not actively parent the first sets of kids, but was an active part of Kylie’s and Kendall’s lives.

In the show Caitlyn is shown making Kylie wash her make up off before school and being undermined by Kris. Also, Bruce was the one doing the school runs and basicly all the heavy lifting, while Kris worked all the time and by her own admission sometimes went weeks without speaking to Kylie.

How long until she looks like this.