As my grandfather used to say, "Only the good die young." He died at 96.

I don't think this got enough love. Although I see it more appliedd to men, I think we can ungender this term; we all have one!

Can we put MAM in a meat grinder and serve him as free-range, grain fed, asshole?

Why, so their poor server can go down for double homicide?

I wish. My low point for this was actually in college when I lost 15 points on a test I otherwise had a perfect score on because we had really poorly designed quantity discount problem where the higher per unit model also had a higher initial cost. I stopped after I had shown that since the question was which ordering…

This. I got a lot a B's and C's on math tests when I was in school not because I got the answer wrong, but because I tend to skip steps I don't find necessary to solve the problem, thereby making my work "incomplete." If anything being able to jump a step that isn't necessary shows better mastery of the method anyway.…

Now you'd just be Groot.

I'm surprised at how many other dudes I know that I've had to break this down for. I think I've finally tightened this speech up to about 30 seconds.

But how fabulous would it be if they did?

You left off Zurek. It tastes like the tears of polish gods with wonderful Kielbasa. Fixes all hangovers.

So can we all agree now that Mark McDaniel's debt to society is fully paid?

Jezebel hot takes are that way ——->

I will never have a prouder moment playing Tekken than when I managed to roll the shark attack launcher combo into a seppuku. I think the PS3 was turned off before I even got to the win screen.

Rectum? Damn near killed em!

There is a huge difference between 350 pound D1 OT and some random schlub. That mass is well cultivated and serves a purpose.

As Willie would tell you, the Scots are a contentious people....

Seesh, act like you're been there before or something...

Why the fuck do people put ketchup on anything when BBQ sauce is almost always the better option.

Because he's an asshole.

That assumes there isn't a binge drinking sorority chick ready to make bad choices.