I totally understand where the Thunder are coming from on this one. The longer they keep me waiting, the less money I give waiters.

Right, cause rape is an appropriate consequence of criminal activity that we should be supporting.

He looks like Oddish with glasses.

No. He’s just not allowed to choose to sign with a team that’s too good(because then he’s a coward). Or too bad(Doesn’t care about winning!). Or in too big a market(SOLD OUT TO NIKE!). Or too small(CAN’T TAKE PRESSURE?!?!?)

Fans don’t understand free agency because the money that could’ve been spent on educating them and giving them critical thinking skills was spent on building arenas for their favorite teams instead.

The Mavs offering Harrison Barnes a max deal only for the Dubs to land Kevin Durant instead is like that scene in Temple of Doom where the poisoned Indy threatens to kill Willie if not given the antidote and Lao Che just laughs, “You keep the girl, I’ll find another!”

It’s the fencepost error!

How many times have sportscasters uttered a banal sentiment about “honoring our troops?” There’s a political calculus under that statement that never gets examined but that’s an endorsement of a political viewpoint. (And might even be a paid promotion.)

“Brexit? I had Brexit this morning. I had surreal and toast. And then I had a Sam ham witch for lurch”

I think if 2016 has taught us anything, it’s that extremely bad hair is not a deterrent to grossly defrauding the public.

He’s the hero New York deserves, but not a hero with knees right now.

Wyh this now, Dwyane?

“Hope Hicks” sounds like Trump’s entire campaign strategy.

I went to the same school as Bryant “Big Country” Reeves and the school was a pontoon boat and what we learned was that you have to keep Big Country wet or he’ll die. It was incredible to be a part of that.

You know, his father is right. We do need to have a discussion about alcohol and campus culture.

It’s like he’s a bad person and his eyes are trying to get away.

Well, I’ve never been afraid to speak my mind. Under a ridiculous pseudonym. In a virtual place where literally nothing is at stake. I don’t use the word “hero” often, but I consider myself the greatest hero in the history of America. (If America is, indeed, where I am from.)

I love that his best highlight involves double dribbling