How’s that movie end again?

*writes down “assbeefs” in notes for future use

Anytime I randomly think of something like a funny pun like “Sneezus,” I type it into Google Images, and almost every time, someone has already thought of it and made an image of it. Blows my mind.

I can count the number of times things turned violent on exactly zero fingers.

Imagine being Anti-Earth?

They say to dress for the job you want. I guess she wanted to be a super villain.

Find him in person and look into those blue eyes. Then you will see Pine in all his glory.

• Britney Spears’s ex-husband Jason Alexander will stand trial after crashing her wedding earlier this month, reportedly while armed with a knife. [Billboard]

Philistines love a public forum.

Whether you’re religious, agnostic, atheist, or anything in-between, we should all be able to agree: God does not care about football.

You could make a very successful horror movie using that concept.

Yeah, but every asshole is full of shit.

Sounds like it’ll end like Waco.

He’s already cast as Man-Spider.

So everyone and everything is a pedophile to these people?

So weird that Bill Cosby and Dick Van Dyke are the same species. 

Was he ad-libbing the “doubles”? Surely not the “triples”?

I’m something of a “rancid ass” sommelier. Ask me anything.

Guy looks like if Bam Margera made better choices. 

He should have a sign that says “What if Uncle Ben got aborted?”