People hate Nickleback because that’s what culture says they should hate. Otherwise people would simply find them bland and inoffensive in a boring sort of way.

Is some of our collective ire for the Canadian rockers undeserved? Nah, they’re, like, really goddamn bad.

He means me, his lovely wife.

I feel like 2019's news is just being written by a random plot generator. 

Good for her for not knowing about it at the time. Good for her for being her usual class act about just learning of it now.

Still a banger after all these years.

These were clearly created to be marketed directly to the commander in chief. Hopefully they’ll distract him long enough to prevent World War III.

Now let’s forget all our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream.

Humans are very flawed. Their acting is very flawed. Ergo, their acting is very human.

Austin 3:16 says “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life!”

[chugs beer]

Wait... That’s not right.

You, Me and DP?

“I like your green jeans... But don’t you think they would look better on the FLOOR?”

My mind’s tongue immediately got fat.

I’m not the only one who read that in Stallone’s voice, right?

I hate the word homophobia. It’s clearly meant to emasculate the bigot by implying that he hates homosexuals because he is afraid of his own homosexual tenancies rather than any genuine belief, but it’s nothing more than a cheap tactic to change the terms of the debate. It would fit right in on FOX if it wasn’t…

Eh, he’ll be just fine using his hand or a pillow. The big thing, for me, is reminding my son that the people in porn are acting, and that the sex they’re having isn’t any more real than the fighting in action movies.

Real sex is like watching a real fight, incompetent drunken idiots flailing at each other until they…

And this is why male lions eat cubs. 

It was at that moment, he knew he fucked up.

Fair enough. Most of my context comes from Indiana Jones, so I bow to literally anyone else on the subject.