My romantic gesture is to lock my naked boyfriends to bridges. They stay there until they freeze to death, symbolising that our love lasts until one of us is dead. Much better.

i think that question in itself is a dead end and a huge distraction from abortion rights, subsidized daycare, racism in criminal justice and maternity leave

When I worked at a craft beer/pizza joint a popular menu item was our calzones. These were huge, and made fresh to order and took a while to cook. Our menu made note of this and it was there in writing that it could take over half an hour depending on how busy we were.

This is why you don’t go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.

Once, an 8-top of Christians left one of those “Here’s a Tip for You!” pamphlets on my table, in lieu of a cash tip. I was sort of used to this, so I didn’t remark much, just tossed it into the bus tub with the rest of the debris, and a glower.

We used to call it "Tiny Emperor Syndrome." Because you are so powerless on the bottom rung, when you figure out a way to move up one, even if it's just to something pointless like "shift supervisor" all the New! Shiny! Power! goes to your head and you lose your damn mind and turn into Mussolini, because BY GOD THE…

Friday my bf and I went to Chipotle. He always asks for extra cheese, and is similarly disappointed. Well this time the girl behind the counter took both hands, grabbed massive amounts of cheese and dumped it on the burrito. Twice. I guess I looked surprised when she did it because she said "The man asked for extra…

And, with that, I’m impressed any woman EVER goes to the authorities. Why? So she can get humiliated? I’ve know many, many women who have been raped. I don’t know a single one who has ever gone to the cops about it. I certainly haven’t (and I’m not sorry).

It's about ethics in cake decorating.

"AUGHH I JUST REALIZED WE ARE ALL HURTLING THROUGH AND EMPTY UNCARING UNIVERSE ON A SPECK OF DUST ORBITING A TINY SPARK ORBITING THE CENTER OF ONE OF 10 BILLION GALAXIES AT MILLIONS OF MILES PER HOUR UNTIL THE ENVELOPING FROZEN BLACKNESS TAKES US ALL."

Obviously someone's never just tossed bread directly on the coil of an electric range. There is a level of hungover where sometimes it's just like "Pans are loud. Fuck pans."

Just because some saucy tart hurls a fork at you doesn't make you a king. It's not like some bint can come up out of a pool of duck sauce, fling chop sticks at you and make you emperor of PF Changs.

Ah, Forxcalibur. Alas, many a man has tried to free that fork from within the enchanted block of parmesan, but all that have gone North to this garden of olives have never been seen again.

The lady in the Olive Garden lake of marinara sauce has to choose you, then you have to pull a pasta fork from a block of extra hard cheese.

I've always wanted to be the King of Olive Garden. Is there a succession plan? Do I need to murder the previous King? Or just wait for him to die of the inevitable heart attack?

Has anyone at jez read "The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion"? http://mypage.direct.ca/w/writer/anti-… I searched for the author's name and I didn't see anything come up as an article

I worked at Borders many years ago and witnessed this "Who's on first?" exchange between a co-worker and customer.

TheCasualEnthusiast - St. Louis, MO

I have a theory about people who become wildly successful/famous on the level that Steve has achieved: their relationship with their past, pre-fame and success, is an either or proposition. Either they embrace it. Or they shed it like a snake sheds its skin, leaving it in the middle of the road, to dry up and blow…

Wow, this list.... I just... I wish it had a physical manifestation so I could gun it down in the street during a Heat-esque daytime machine gun rampage. This list is essentially the exact opposite of my tastes. If we wanted to go out to get pizza we will be getting two pies because even getting the things you like on…