What’s it’s appeal? I had Guiness once, couldn’t stand it. They all look good, but I just feel like I’m not going to enjoy them, so I stay away. Is it time to try again?

Yeah. Fucking. Right.

Well, they have kinds that are scented, so that’s nice, y’know, to have a flowery smelling balloon knot.

I’m a divorce lawyer, if you’re interested in leaving him...

I heard they just broke ground and are going to build two new circles to Hell. One specifically for the Kardashians, the other for people who like them.

Wiped my own ass today! #adulting

I’m sure they just use the same Constitution I bought at the Lincoln Memorial when I was a lad.

I’m in love.

Meh.

Obviously, what the world needs is Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Kristen Wiig in an all female - s’cuse me, women assembly of Star Wars.

Fuck ham (not literally):

The kids on the playground will be singing “Deen, Deen, rape machine, biggest creep we’ve ever seen,”

The Decadence and Succulence of Flatulence.

Here’s one:

Because this is the internet, and as people who disagree with you will say “there ain’t room ‘nuff ‘round here for us, you and yer ‘pinions.”

Nope... but, if you wanna go halfsies...

A cool name to say with a French accent is Ash-ton Kut-cher.

Don’t hate the hipster, hate the hip.

What’re ya talkin’ a-boot, eh? Igloos, hockey, Molson, poutine, jean jackets?

They die of miner’s lung.