Wiped my own ass today! #adulting

I’m sure they just use the same Constitution I bought at the Lincoln Memorial when I was a lad.

Fuck ham (not literally):

The kids on the playground will be singing “Deen, Deen, rape machine, biggest creep we’ve ever seen,”

The Decadence and Succulence of Flatulence.

Here’s one:

Because this is the internet, and as people who disagree with you will say “there ain’t room ‘nuff ‘round here for us, you and yer ‘pinions.”

“Some say...”

But it’s not a real relationship. They aren’t real, and neither are the emotions. Real relationships shouldn’t be gamified, absolutely. As much as I want a real relationship with Hroki from Skyrim, it ain’t gonna happen. Man, I wish it would... she doesn’t even respond to my Amulet of Mara :(

“Oh, right, I thought. I’m playing a video game. In video games, romance has a reward.”

Oh, so that’s what “fucked her sideways” means...

No, but that is how one gets AT-STDs.

Men who don’t wash their hands are psychopaths and should have every aspect of their lives scrutinized.

I work at a movie theatre and have to clean the bathrooms often. Women, if you go to the movies with a guy or a few guys in your crew, chances are they didn’t wash their hands.

Fus... Ro... D’uh!!!

More money in the treatment than the cure.

Who’s the man who won’t cop out when there’s trouble all about?

I hope it’s bad so I can fill my tub with everyone’s tears.

Haven’t you heard? Lady isn’t PC anymore. They prefer to be called Chromosomally advantaged beings.