This is a bad take.

My usual shill for Chicago Motors: 3.5L twin turbo AWD Taurus.

This kind of makes me want to write a hate comment because you seem to have a lot of fun reading them so here goes:

I use mine to root for truffles.

This truck was built for stupidity. People who bought this new are the same types who wear Oakley “Thin Blue Line Edition” sunglasses, and refer to sex in very aggressive terms. They don’t make love to a woman. They crush some pussy. They pound some poon. They slam some ham.

I don’t get her. Probably because I’m an old. I like being an old. It keeps me from understanding stuff.  Like why kids want to dress up like highlighter markers.  Is that a drug thing?  Probably.  Bunch of little bastard dopers.  Ought to call the cops on ‘em.  Billy Elijah is a juggalo.

Don’t be mean! It needs them to cut down trees so it can build a dam!

Can Tom Brady be the chair? It’s blond and wooden and is rightfully stepped on.

I’d like to buy the rights to this story.

Damn,  I'm surprised you just didn't buy some super-cool sporty ride.   Cuz I thought underwater welders made mad money.

My 2000 Red ‘stang: A Eulogy, or, the story of four failures.

Nah, I think that was the intent all along. The ride-sharing thing is just a smokescreen.

^^ Found Elon’s Kinja account!

Plus tactile buttons that I can feel around like a horny teen with a bra clasp, & not a touch screen, which is awesome to be sure, but requires more attention than is prudent while you’re making the vehicle move.

Don’t they know that Tesla owners are overwhelmingly white too?!?

You would turn yourself in, take a plea deal, then wait for Trump to tweet “a patriot in prison for defending himself? SAD!” Followed by a full pardon and a cabinet position. 

Stop giving me the finger. I am not your boss, just some guy who has to catch the same bus on Thursday. 

Forget? Hardly possible when no Deadspin mention of Carroll can have at least 37 “Carroll is a 9/11 truther” puns in the comments ...

On the bright side, everyone is talking about Seattle’s bats in October. That never happens...

Maybe it’s time to try a monarchy again?